Pirates of the Caribbean 2

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 

This movie just opened to an astonishing $55 million on its first day, so chances are good you need no review from me at this point; either you’ve seen it, you’re hell-bent on not seeing it, or you’re about to see it at some point later this weekend.

That said, I’ll clue you all in anyway: It’s a darned fine flick. And I say “flick” in the sense of “A summer blockbuster with lots of pretty action sequences, some clever lines, and a bunch of ‘woo hoo!’ moments.” It’s not Shakespeare, but in terms of a feel-good, go-and-watch-something-neat film, it’s the best of the season. This is what you have been waiting for, people.

Sadly, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 has something the first did not – namely, a touch of ass-creep. It’s about twenty minutes too long, and I’m not sure where I’d trim that from but I did experience the “Come on, come on, get to the climax” bit in a few non-swordfighting moments. That said, when I was entertained, I was thoroughly entertained, and I did not rise to go to the bathroom at any point.

The critics who have decried it? They’re wrong. Some have said that the movie is hard to follow and moves along too quickly; I myself found it to be moving too slowly, wallowing a bit in exposition at times. There’s some sort of Macguffin that everyone’s chasing simultaneously in the best tradition of candy-coated action films, and as long as I know that they want it, the rest will work itself out.

But wonderfully, the film does not do what I was terrified it would do – namely, focus in on Jack Sparrow exclusively and make him the only star. After all, that’s what Star Wars did – once that roguish Han started romancing Leia, Luke became increasingly less interesting and monkish, leaving Lucas with an ugly choice of endings: either Leia goes with the nebbish, or she’s a cheating whore. (Obviously, he found a workaround.)

Yes, Will Turner’s boring compared to the swish-and-pounce of Jack, and there are moments in the plot where he’s obliged to get chumped, but the end has him turning out as a fine action hero, and a foil for Jack in his own right. I was rooting for both of them.

Plus, this movie does not try to Matrix itself by introducing seventy zillion new characters: there are three newbies here in the form of the evil villain Davy Jones (who has one of the best character designs/CGI execution in the history of cinema), the evil corporate villain of the Tea Company, and the uncomfortably-hot Tia Dalma as the voodoo fortune teller.

Is this a perfect sequel? Well, no. None of the characters are stretching themselves at all; great sequels like Empire Strikes Back or Godfather II take their lead roles and drive them down new, yet somehow fitting, paths. In this, Jack is still a charming pirate, Elisabeth is still spunky-yet-torn, and Will is still ramrod-straight. What’s new is the plot, such as it is, since it’s only a thin thread to hang a bunch of stellar action sequences upon. Yet those sequences will have you going, “For Christ’s sake, what are they going to try to get away with next?”

I like laughing during movies – not because it’s funny, but the “oh ho!” of “They are not going to try to sell me on… Oh, yes they are.” It’s the surprised laugh as you zip down the trough of the roller coaster, amazed they’d even dare.

But if the movie doesn’t bring anything new to the table, remember that the point of Pirates is not in-depth characterization. It’s style, and this movie is dripping with so much of it that the bold and dramatic fights neatly spackle over the plot holes and inconsistencies.

Pirates 2 is a steak on a summer barbecue; it’s not healthy, and it’s nothing particularly new, but damn if you’re in the mood for it it goes down smooth.